a new post

Its been a long time since i have last posted but its not because i have nothing to write about. The past few weeks have been really busy (go ahead mom laugh) so i havent been writing much. In the past 4 weeks i have been working 4 or 5 days a week as a cook at the square cafe and am averaging 9 hour work days. When i get home i do nothing but watch Lost, which sounds really really lame (it is). Recently though i have been trying to make better use of my time and part of that is also posting a new blog post. In the past few days and in the next week i hope to finalize the colleges i will be applying to, pack for germanym, say goodbye to the friends who are still in town, and help the schenley soccer team when and where i can.

I want to pause and talk about schenley soccer for a few minutes because the past few days i have been hanging out around my old team. For four years i played on the team and for three of those i rode the bench and played JV primarily. Im not a great player or goalie but watching the past two games makes me wish i still played. Each of my four years at schenley i feel that our talent level dropped. We always have had talented players but each year we had more and more players who wouldnt not have started in previous years. Admittedly i was one of those players, there are better goalies and there have been more talented players on our teams in years past. Once again this year i feel that the talent level has dropped off but there is something about schenley soccer that keeps it going and playing at a high level. Last year we strung together our best three games at the very end. Semi final win against Brashear, championship win against allderdice, and a playoff loss to Upper St. Clair. When we won champs i felt prouder of myself and prouder to be part of any other team. I dont want to detract from swimming or volleyball but swimming is too independent and in volleyball we are expected to win. The schenley dice soccer rivalry is by far the best i know. Our tiny cupples stadium with 200 fans for the championship match is the perfectplace in early november in freezing rain to play under the lights. For three years that night was frustrating, sitting on the bench in the coldd rain, being so close....and then losing. My last year i played in that game and it all changed for me. To play and to have in my control the feelings i would have at the end of the game was amazing. I want to say i played for myslef, i couldnt let four years of soccer end without winning but i was also playing for the freshman sophomores and juniors on the bench. I know what its like to sit on the bench and lose, to go three years and wonder if you will ever win a championship. None of those players have to worry about it anymore, they have their championship, they will hopefully win more, but they dont have to worry about leaving without one the way me and my fellow seniors did. Anyway after champs i knew i had another game but i knew it wouldnt be the same as dice. I almost wished we had ended with that win, the perfect storybook ending for the seniors but we had to play a playoff game. Having nothing to lose in that game made us play the best soccer of our lives for 70 minutes before they scoresd three goals in 10 minutes. That game is almost more memorable, how the smaller but still energetic crowd gave us a standing ovation at halftime for being TIED with one if the better teams in the state. We lost and the seniors left the game early to give the young kids their shot at playoffs and it was nice to walk off that way but that night in the lockerroom was when it hit me. I had played my last organised soccer game and we played magnificently. I forgot that feeling until tuesday when i saw schenley play. It was wierd to not be part of the team, and only a spectator. I'll always be a part of the schenley teams but not in the same way and its wierd and sad. But whats almost more sad is that ill never play organise soccer again, i dont have any misconceptions that im good enough to play in college but i wish i did. To go through the work leading up to a game and not just getting together some friends is kindof disappointing.

Anyway thats a long story dragged on but its been on my mind since tuesday. back on to my preparations. I work for a few more days which is going to be hard but worth it and nice to be with my coworkers who are all amazing. I have to decide on my colleges, begin the applications and write my college essays. I know it sounds early but i didnt everything rushed last year and i want to do better this year. Ill have time in germany but i want to have an idea before i go. I know ill be comfortable there but something about being there for so long makes me uneasy especially with the college process. Mail will take longer and has a higher chance of getting lost etc. Other than that i couldnt be happier to be going. I love pittsburgh but there isnt much here for me right now, my friends are who knows where, and all i do is work and sleep and think and im ready for change. Ill post hopefully once more before i leave but dont hold me to it. Ill be more regular once i get there...promise. Until then.